7 Days of Dreaming: Compensating Characters
So, you’ve explored the identifications and amplifications of the mysterious Others in your dream.
But what about the familiar faces of friends and family? What might they be trying to signal to you?
Dreamwork Skill #5: It’s All You
One of the core precepts of dreamwork is this: everyone, everything, every object that shows up in a dream is an aspect of yourself.
It makes sense when you think about it: when our five senses are quiet, all the dream has to work with is your internal model of the world. There is no external data coming in; the dream crafts characters and settings from bits and pieces of your experience.
“We don’t see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.”
~Anais Nin, quoting the Talmud
This means that whomever you encounter in your dream—your partner, your parent, your friend—is a commentary on the aspect of you that relates to that person or, put more plainly, the attributes in you that behave/react as that person would.
These characters create a “compensatory narrative”, frequently showing us other ways we could approach the problem, other behaviors that we could try out, or storylines that compensate for what is missing in our current response to events.
For example, if I dream that I am quarreling with my friend Amanda, I could use dreamwork skill #2 to identify the behaviors and attributes of my dream-self (let’s say my dream-self is acting embarrassed, avoidant, and quiet) with the behaviors and attributes of my friend Amanda (let’s say that, in waking life, Amanda is a person with verve, presence, and outrageous brashness).
Now I might look at this dream, not as a sign that my friendship with Amanda is on the rocks, but as a signal that the part of me that likes to hide and fly under the radar is experiencing some friction with another part of me that wants to play big and be seen.
Dream Practicum
The Sisters
“A woman is in a boat with her sister. She is acting very warmly toward her sister and offering her some food. They feel really connected to each other.”
The dreamer who brought me this dream fragment was frustrated by the dream, assuming it meant that she should make peace with her sister, a woman she had only recently found the strength to set boundaries with.
As we explored this dream, the dreamer defined her sister as a person who represented antagonistic, alcoholic, and controlling qualities. She noticed that the boat, as a vehicle that passes safely over the water, signified a sense of safety for her, as well as a mode of conveying herself across difficult emotional terrain.
When she altered her view of the sister figure in her dream from that of a literal person to a representation of qualities of control and addiction, she stated the following:
“The way for me to proceed now is by making peace with the parts of me that are scared and want to run away from or avoid the hard parts of life. I need to nourish myself, listen to my fears and work with them, instead of cutting them off. That’s how I’ll get through the rough emotional waters of setting boundaries with my family without succumbing to addiction or over-control myself.”
this dream is shared with permission. Details have been altered to protect confidentiality.
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These skills build on each other—you may have noticed by now that you can use all of the dreamwork skills on a single dream to arrive at a more focused understanding of the information it has for you.
Keep a journal by your bed tonight and record your dream-impressions first thing upon waking. Allow yourself to practice all of the dreamwork skills so far—the emotional signature, tracking the dream-self, writing the narrative, observing Others, and decoding compensating characters. Play with allowing the techniques to inform and comment upon each other.
As always, I’d love to hear from you—comment below or email me at innerlightasheville@gmail.com with any insights or questions.
Tomorrow, we will take a deeper dive into the world of the unconscious as we explore symbols and universally recurring motifs.
If you would like to explore your dreams in person, join us for a daylong deep dive into dreamwork this September. Learn more below:
7 Days of Dreaming: Encountering Others
Welcome back!
I hope you are discovering some new insights, or an awakened curiosity about your dreaming mind…
In today’s blog, we are going to venture into the realm of archetypes. Carl Jung discovered in his study of dreams that the tendency to create representations of certain human characteristics—the Caregiver, the Trickster, the Hero—is universal and crosses culture, age, and history.
When you encounter an Other in your dream— a stranger or unfamiliar personage — this is your dreaming mind participating in this creation, the representation of universal human patterns through icons. It’s a sort of shorthand, a way to portray possibility or danger in a manner that is easily interacted with and recognized. Your particular archetypal images may vary from those of another person, but the instinct to create these images is a collective one.
Dream Skill # 4: Decoding Others
When an unfamiliar person or stranger turns up in your dream, notice how they act and how your dream-self reacts to them. Is the Other threatening? Nurturing? Repulsive? Troublesome?
After you have written out your dream, take each Other one by one and describe their character in a few words. Notice also your dream-self’s emotional response to their way of being.
Then, plug these associations back into your dream narrative any time the character shows up in the dream. This can decode the shorthand and help you understand what your dreaming brain is telling you through these unfamiliar personages.
If you’d like to take this work a step further, you can interview the Other who showed up in your dream. Robert Hoss’s work with dreams has elucidated a few key questions you can ask the Other that will help to clarify their archetypal meaning for you. These questions include:
“Who are you?”
“What is your purpose?”
“What do you like most about being yourself?”
“What do you dislike most about being yourself?”
“What do you fear the most?”
“What do you desire the most?”
I have found that this process works best if conducted much as one would conduct a real interview, speaking the questions out loud and answering them as the Other. It can also be accomplished simply by writing the questions down and answering them.
***The study of Jungian dreamwork is profound and time-consuming, and it is beyond my expertise to provide more than a taste of this type of dreamwork. If this methodology fascinates you, you may want to seek out a trained Jungian analyst or dreamworker, or read Jung’s work on the subject. ***
Dream Practicum
The Famous Stranger
“I was going to give a presentation to my team at work, but the table was crowded and everyone kept talking over me. Just as I was about to have the floor to introduce myself and my topic, a famous person arrived. Everyone recognized the famous person except me. He was tall and imposing. He was wearing a suit made entirely of blue beads. I wanted to talk to him, but I felt too intimidated.”
When we began to work this dream, the dreamer described the Famous Person as “imposing, powerful, and unique.” He described his dream-self’s reaction to him as “intimidated and shrinking.”
When we plugged these representations back into the dream, this was the result:
I Do Not Recognize My Power
“I was going to give a presentation to my team at work, but the table was crowded and everyone kept talking over me. Just as I was about to have the floor to introduce myself and my topic, intimidation arrived. Everyone seemed to have an understanding of being imposing and powerful, except for me. Everyone else seemed to have a relationship to these qualities that I am missing out on. I wanted to stand out and be unique. I wanted to interact with those qualities of power and uniqueness, but felt too intimidated.”
The dreamer felt a sense of immediate recognition. “Any time I am about to really step up and show what I can do, I get this feeling of being an imposter, like who am I to be in this position? I am not unique or interesting enough. And then I don’t step up at all, I back away. No one has any idea what I can really do. Including myself.”
When the dreamer interviewed the blue-beaded man, he heard the following:
“I am strong and I do not care what you think of me. I am here to be true to myself. I most desire that others will stand on their own feet and not rely on me to be the powerful one all the time.”
Through this interview, the dreamer realized he had been afraid to step into his power for fear that others would then perceive him as strong, and add to his workload. Once he realized this fear was holding him back, he was able to change his behavior at work.
He did not stop experiencing feelings of intimidation or the sense of being an imposter, but he did stop engaging in the patterns of behavior that kept him playing small, and he was able to communicate assertively when he felt he was carrying more than his share of the workload.
Later on, he told me that while giving an important presentation at work, he channeled the spirit of that tall, imposing stranger in an armor of beads. He began to cultivate a relationship with this “famous stranger”, the qualities of presence and power.
This dream is shared with permission, with some identifying features changed to protect confidentiality.
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One further note on interpreting dreams: regardless of what you may read about what an archetype “means”, or what a symbol “is known to stand for”, take these generalizations with a grain of salt. The only true expert on any dream is the dreamer, and all archetypes, symbols, and meanings must be interpreted through the lens of that dreamer’s experience. For this reason, take great care in trying to interpret others’ dreams for them, and in letting others interpret yours.
Feel free to share any comments or insights below— and if you’d like the chance to work a dream in person, join us this September for a day-long immersion into dreamwork.
We will work our dreams through art, writing, dialogue, and projective dreamwork, gaining not only profound insight into the dream you work, but also a toolbox of skills to harvest the wisdom of your dreams every day.
7 Days of Dreaming: Writing the Narrative
I hope you are enjoying the journey so far, and discovering the light your dreams can shed on the struggles and triumphs of your waking life.
Dreamwork Skill #3: Writing the Narrative
When you first wake and try to capture your dream on paper, you may be hunched over a scrap of paper in the dark, scrawling impressions before you fall back asleep, or hurriedly scribbling the gist of the plot as you hustle through breakfast.
However, when you return to your dream for a second look, the way you choose to write it down is important. Here are three considerations in the transcription of your dream:
Give your dream a title.
Titles should be simple and direct. “A Tiger Chases a Woman”. “A Man Encounters A Ruined Building.” These titles will help you find your dreams easily if you keep a dream journal, and will also enable you to track themes over time. Often the title itself can provide an “aha” moment!
Write your dream in the present tense, and in generalities. Don’t edit or sanitize.
Consider the difference between these two narratives:
a) “I dreamed of a train station, I was in a hurry and in the dream, people kept getting between me and the trains. I did not handle it well.”
b) “A woman is trying to get to a train, she is in a hurry, and she cannot reach her destination. She flails and lashes out at the people that get in her way, pushing some aside and even trampling one. The train continues to be out of her reach and she wants to scream.”
Which feels riper for interpretation and insight? If the behavior of your dream-self embarrasses or horrifies you, protect your dream journal and keep it confidential, but don’t sanitize your report. You can rob yourself of a great deal of insight doing that, and remember, your dream self is not you! The dream-self is a representation, just like all the other characters we encounter in dreams.
Break your dream into scenes.
Dreams tend to move fluidly and bizarrely through time, and sometimes we move from one setting to another with no continuity of character, location, or theme. For this reason, breaking a complex dream into scenes and processing each scene individually can be a more productive approach.
Dream Practicum
A woman I had been working with for a while arrived at her session in a state of agitation I had not observed before. She was reluctant to share what was troubling her, but finally disclosed that she’d had a disturbing dream the night before and could not get it out of her mind. The content of the dream was so disturbing to her that she did not even want to speak it aloud, but she did consent to write it down later that night and send it to me by email.
As we worked with the dream, here is the narrative that emerged, using the three guidelines above:
A Woman Has A Disappearing Child
i. A woman finds herself giving birth to a baby in the middle of a crowded room, even though she did not know she was pregnant and there is no biological way she could be pregnant. She is horrified and embarrassed.
ii. The baby is born and is perfect, and the woman holds it close and decides that it is not so horrible that it is here after all. The woman feels joyful and warm.
iii. The baby begins to shrink. There is nothing the woman can do. She cannot feed the baby and it gets smaller and smaller, despite the woman’s panicked attempts to save it, it disappears into nothing. The woman is consumed with grief.
Once the dreamer worked through her initial feelings of guilt and failure, she was able to let go of the idea that this dream was about neglect and literal death. She shared that, although the baby was newborn in the dream, it appeared to be about 8 months of age. We looked at what had been happening 8 months ago in the dreamer’s life, and she realized that 8 months ago, she had developed an incredible idea for a book she wanted to write. Although she had shared her idea with a few friends, their enthusiasm frightened her and she backed away from the idea.
Writing the dream in general terms enabled the dreamer to get enough distance to let go of the literal interpretation of the “baby” and realize that her “baby” was her unwritten book.
She began work on her book, motivated by the deep sense of grief she had felt in the dream for letting her idea wither away. She describes feelings of profound fulfillment that emerged once she began her work and have continued as she devotes herself to writing.
These dreams are shared with permission, with some identifying features changed to protect confidentiality.
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Perhaps you can practice this skill on an older dream, rewriting the narrative in general terms, titling it, and breaking it into scenes. Notice any insights that pop up during the process!
Feel free to share ideas, questions, or comments below, or email me directly at innerlightasheville@gmail.com.
Want to go deeper? Join Lissa and Julie this September for a day-long deep dive into the imagery and meaning of your dreams. Learn more below.
7 Days of Dreaming: The Dreaming Self
Welcome to Day 2 of our 7-day dreamwork journey.
For most of us, there is a “Self” that watches and participates in our dreams. Our dreaming self performs actions, feels emotions, and engages with other dream characters much as we do in waking life.
This dreamtime version of ourselves has a lot to teach us. We can unlock some of that wisdom by practicing dreamwork skill #2.
Dreamwork Skill #2: Tracking the Dream-Self
Dreams can feel incredibly disorienting and odd due to one interesting trait of our dreaming minds: we tend to process the events of our waking lives while omitting the event itself. Our dreams may rehearse the characters, emotions, and values conflicts of a situation we are dealing with, without ever directly referencing it.
So, how do we figure out what issue our dreams are trying to resolve?
We track the behavior of the dream-self.
What is the “you” of your dream doing? How is she interacting with others? What is his communication style? What emotions are they experiencing?
Notice the dream-self’s behavior and ask yourself: Is this how I am behaving in waking life? If so, where in my life do I behave this way? If not, what can I learn from the way the dream-self is behaving? If the dream-self is acting in a way that embarrasses or confuses me, what might that have to tell me about how I would prefer to act, or how I am limiting my choices?
When you wake with some recall of a dream, write out the actions of the dream-self as though you were watching a silent film. Where in waking life are you engaging in similar actions?
Sometimes, the behavior of our dream-self will reveal our “personal mythologies” . Personal mythologies are strategies we have learned at certain traumatic points in our history that we continue to apply in situations where they are dysfunctional.
Observing the dream-self perform bizarre or embarrassing actions is often a first clue that we are living out a personal mythology rather than behaving rationally in waking life.
Dream Practicum
“In my dream I am walking to the end of a dock. I want to jump in the water and I see that the houses along the dock are all empty. So I start to take off my clothes and hang them on a fence, but just as I am about to dive in I notice a car pulling in to the house where I had placed my clothes. I panic and grab my clothes and run. I tell myself as I walk away that the water probably wouldn’t have felt great anyway, even though I had wanted to jump in more than anything.”
Before you read the section below, pause and imagine that this is your dream. What might the behavior of your dream self be telling you? Is this like you or unlike you? “Borrow” the dream to practice the Dream-Self skill.
In working with this dream, we used dream-skill #1 to notice the emotions in the dream. The feelings of excitement, vulnerability, and disappointment reminded the dreamer of a recent interaction with a friend.
We then played back the behavior of the dream-self as though watching a silent movie. Here is a woman walking toward something she really wants. Now she is looking around, aware of the presence of others. And now she is walking away without having completed her action.
Immediately the dreamer exclaimed “That is just like me, to back away from the thing I most want! And then to pretend that I never really wanted it anyway. Wow, how self-destructive!”
In her further work with this theme, the dreamer decided that this behavior — pretending she did not care about issues that, in fact, were deeply important to her — was costing her heavily and contributing to the decline of her friendship.
By recognizing the behavior in the dream as being self-defeating, the dreamer was able to identify places in her waking life where she was working against her own best interests. She applied this knowledge by speaking directly with her friend, stating decisively what she wanted instead of continuing to pretend she was satisfied with the status quo.
Although this was very difficult for the dreamer, watching her dream-self walk away from that highly-anticipated plunge felt painful enough that, for the first time, she was willing to risk it.
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Practice this skill on a dream you remember, or if you have been struggling with dream recall, use a favorite character in a novel or television show. What does the behavior of the character, and your reactions to that behavior, tell you about your own waking life actions?
As always, feel free to comment below or email directly with any questions or insights!
If you’d like to practice these skills in person or work a particularly powerful dream, join Lissa and Julie this September for a day-long dreamwork immersion. Learn more below!
7 days of dreaming: integrating dream wisdom into your waking life
Have you ever woken with a dream image that you just couldn’t shake?
Ever carried the emotional residue from a dream with you all day long, unsure of how to respond?
Regardless of what you believe about dreams, they impact our day-to-day lives. What if you could learn a handful of quick practices to help you engage with your dreams and gather wisdom for your personal journey? What if, in a few moments a day, you could build a practice of dreamwork that both deepens and enriches your relationship with yourself and your life?
This is what happened for me when I first started the practice of dreamwork, and this is my hope for you as we embark on this 7-day journey of working with dreams.
Every day for seven days, I’ll post a new skill on the blog and share a dream that illustrates how to apply it.
Whether or not you remember your dreams, you can learn and practice these skills by working with dreams you remember from the past, or with imagery that has popped up in waking life or in meditation.
You can share your dreams, and any questions or comments about the skill we are learning, either in the comments on the blog or directly by email at innerlightasheville@gmail.com.
I hope that this 7-day journey will start you on a path strewn with personal treasure. Perhaps the skills you learn here will embolden you to bring your dreams into conversations with friends, or to incorporate them in counseling sessions as part of your personal work.
Let’s start right in on the first skill!
Dreaming Skill #1: Finding Emotional Parallels
When you first wake from a dream, even if the dream itself has escaped your memory, there is often an emotional residue that lingers.
Do you feel sad? Shocked? Angry? Frightened? Upon waking, rest for a moment with your eyes closed and notice any emotions that linger, whether they are attached to dream imagery or not.
If you have a few moments, write out the precise emotional signature of the dream. For example:
”I had a strong feeling of dread, deep in my stomach, and when I woke my heart was pounding as if in fear.”
“In the first part of the dream, I felt confused and bewildered, but then in the next scene I was proud and confident. When I woke I had a feeling of accomplishment.”
Now, look at what you’ve written. Where in your waking life do you experience this combination of emotions? What particular issue, person, or life domain brings up these feelings?
When you discover the part of your waking life that carries the emotional signature of the dream, you will have a clear understanding of what specifically the content of the dream is referring to.
Today’s Dream Practicum
“I don’t remember much about the content of my dream. But when I woke I felt extremely sad, almost as though there was a weight on my heart. Later in the day, I remembered one image from the dream; a girl in a blue dress was running away from me, and I had a feeling of loss. She’s not a real girl that I know, but she was about four years old and it felt like my heart was breaking.”
As this dreamer wrote down the emotional signature of her dream, she realized that the feeling of heartache and loss corresponded to a situation in her waking life in which she had decided to leave school to care for a family member.
As we worked with the imagery of the dream, the dreamer realized that she had started school 4 years ago, and the little girl walking away symbolized, for her, the loss of her dream of completing graduate school.
In our continued work with this dream, the dreamer explored the sense of heartbreak she hadn’t let herself acknowledge for fear of seeming selfish or uncaring about her ailing family member. As she allowed herself to feel these emotions fully, she realized she could be a compassionate caregiver and still take a course or two online.
As of this writing, she has completed her master’s degree. Her willingness to pay attention to the lingering emotions of an unremembered dream set her on a path that led to the fulfillment of a deeply-held but unacknowledged goal.
These dreams are shared with permission, with some identifying features changed to protect confidentiality.
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Set a journal and pen by your bed tonight, and practice the skill of finding emotional parallels upon waking.
And I’d love to hear what you find out! You can comment below with any questions or insights, or feel free to email directly at innerlightasheville@gmail.com.
*A word about safety: If you find yourself battling strong anxiety, grief, or dread in the course of working with a dream, step back from it and call a friend, take a walk, or speak with your counselor. Dream work can get very deep very fast! Do not push yourself to continue unsupported. *
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If this journey inspires you and you’d like to work your dream in person, there are still a few spaces left in our intimate day-long dreamwork retreat this September. You can register below.